Happy 2nd Heavenly Anniversary, Evangeline Joy!

Good Morning All,

Two years ago today I was laying in pain in the hospital bed after being in there for over 24 hours in labor with our daughter, Evangeline. Though it was great pain because there wasn't much they could do (medicine wise for me due to us being only 32 weeks) I didn't care because I knew that my finale hours with her were coming to a quick end. I did what I could to keep her here longer with me. Around 5:30 she was born. We didn't know what to expect, meaning will she been coherent, responsive?  I didn't set my expectations too high. When that little 3 pound 6 ounce baby girl came into the world she came out with a cry or three. :) What a blessing to hear those cries! (All praise to our Lord for that). They quickly placed her in my arms (no clean up) we didn't know how long we had with her. I immediately fell in love. I said "Hi sweet baby"! She had her eyes opened briefly but enough for few minutes and know that her Daddy and I were there with her. We packed as much talking and loving on her as possible. We sang her every possible little kid song made, told her just how much she was loved and wanted. A little bit past 6 PM I had a feeling that she had passed on. She was so little and her breathing was so small to begin with but I just knew when she had left us. The most bittersweet experience had happened at that moment. I had physically lost my little girl who I carried for all of 32 weeks. A little girl that I had big plans with. A little girl that I wouldn't see grow up to become a toddler, bigger girl, teenager, woman, wife and a mommy. All of those precious experiences that I wouldn't get left my arms. As time has gone on (2 years worth) I still sometimes have those moments when I see little girls that would be around her age and I sit and day dream about EJ. Would she be running around like a mad woman just chatting away to me? Would she be a girly girl like her momma or would she be a bit of a tom boy? Sometimes I just go there with my thoughts. It's hard sometimes to watch TLC's "Say Yes To The Dress". My mind goes to "that's a joy that I wont be able to share with my Evangeline". It's so not easy missing someone so much. And not just a "somebody" but a child, your child. After a lot of time and a whole LOT of healing through the grace of God alone my mind chooses to focus on the following positives more then the negatives. Evangeline in one day met her mommy, daddy and her Heavenly Father. She spends every single moment with our Creator King. She isn't in any pain, suffering, heart ache etc. She will never know any hurt. She is protected. She gets to run the streets of gold hand in hand with Jesus. What could ever be possibly better then that??? NOTHING! So, in my mind and especially after reading "Heaven is for Real" I believe that she not only is up there with our Lord, I believe she is running, dancing, laughing, singing, playing and praising ALLLLL DAY LOONNGG! I believe she is a typical toddler that is wearing everyone out up there (especially her Great Paw-Paw Baston).

Almost everyday when Shepard wakes up we look at the picture of EJ hanging on his nursery wall and say "Good Morning, EJ Girl"! I sing a song to him that I made up a long time ago when I use to watch babies that you sing the name of the baby and you say "yay" with their name. So it would go, "Yay for the babies, yay! Yay for Shepard yay! Yay for EJ yay". Very simple but hey it kept the attention of many of a baby. Anyway, when we get to her name he just gives the biggest smile. He already loves his big sister and hes all of 9 months old. I still to this day sleep with her blanket and I may always do that. When I bring Shepard into our bed to hangout for a bit, he always goes over to her blanket and just puts his head on it and loves on it. At first I wondered how I  would respond to him touching my most sacred possession. I acted the way any Mom in my situation would act...it melted my heart and brought me tears of joy. That blanket along with a few other things is the only "tangible" connection he will ever have to her here. He is a gentle boy. I think he gets it.

I want to end this special blog with a BIG thank you to all of our family, friends and everyone in between that has been there with us over the last couple of years. You all know who you are and you all are the best! I love the way a lot of you have loved on EJ and kept her sweet memory alive. She made a BIG impact on so many. She will always live in our hearts, thoughts and lives. She is great and precious. She is my sweet baby girl. Heaven is just that much sweeter for me and my eternity with Jesus.

Happy Birthday, Evangeline! Your brief life made a long lasting impact on not only on your Mommy & Daddy but people all over the world. I love you more than all the words in all the books in all the world!

Five months of baby bliss!

Hello friends!

Wow! It's been a long time since my last post! I've been busy with my little man, Shepard! :) He is great! Shepard was born on September 14, 2012 at 10:58 AM. He weighed 8pds 3oz and was 21 1/2 inches long! Big boy for a little me. ;) I had to have through a c section because as the doctor put it "he was wedged in there pretty good". I was a bit scared because I have never been through a major surgery before. As they were working on getting Shepard out I heard the doctor say "He's got my scissors"! I said "who has your scissors ( apart of me was thinking that I was so heavily drugged that I was not hearing things right). He said "Your son has them"! Shepard literally reached up and grabbed a hold of them with his now legendary kong-fu grip. Let's  just say the doctor has never seen something like that before and we were about to take a picture of it which is hanging in our dinning room collage and in Dr. Beavin's office wall. haha! Shepard from day one has been a wonderful baby. He is very easy going! He is by fault a Momma's boy. :) I prayed to have a close bond with him when he was in the womb and so far we are like two peas in a pod. I love it and wouldn't have it any other way. He is growing up so fast. I always heard parents say that their kids grow up so quickly and to cherish each moment. Until you have a child of your own you really cannot grasp that. I find myself staring a him a thousand times a day. Just in awe of him and of our Creator for placing him in our lives and giving us the chance to be his parents and to raise him. There is nothing better in my book than being his parent. I find myself a lot of the time when he's asleep upstairs and we're down in the living room missing him. How crazy is that? We are still working on a sleep schedule through the night. Daytime I pretty much have him on a tight schedule.  I'm still breast feeding him and I bring this part up for any woman that maybe reading this that is thinking about breast feeding or maybe in the beginning stages of it. I read before having Shepard that a lot of mom's will quit in the first 3 weeks because it is hard and time consuming. I told Josh if I got to the point that I was going to quit to encourage me to push through. That time did come around about week 2. I said to him "that's it I'm done"! He brought up to me what I asked him to say and in my hormonal/sleepless state I turned into a crazed person and said "you just don't get it. you're a man"! lol Poor Josh! But I did stick with it and with the encouragement of other mommies I pushed through and now I look forward to Shep and mommy time with his feedings. Again, God is amazing with how he designed a woman's body to grow a baby, deliver baby and feed a baby.I just feel so blessed to have this opportunity to raise Shepard. In all honestly though I have great faith in the Lord, there were parts of me that thought I'd never get this chance. I'm so glad He did. He knew the desires of my heart and it was in His perfect timing that He sent Shepard. And for that I am thankful and a believer in miracles. I honestly could go on and on but I don't want to bore you. ;)

I feel like I'm trying to cram so much into one blog which isn't easy to sum up five months. I'm going to try to do better and to use this blog to keep family, friends and those that may read it up to date.

Here are some pics of my sweet boy!

 Just a joy! :)

I before closing on this blog would love to give a shout out to my Blogging Momma friend Heather Moes who I've never met in person but bonded with in my darkest time and her darkest time with losing our little ones. Heather and her husband are expecting their rainbow baby in late spring! I couldn't be happier! She will be a wonderful earthly momma to Roo! :)

I hope this finds everyone well! Sorry for the rambles! Until next time...