The Adventures of being a mommy....

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Happy 2nd Heavenly Anniversary, Evangeline Joy!

Good Morning All,

Two years ago today I was laying in pain in the hospital bed after being in there for over 24 hours in labor with our daughter, Evangeline. Though it was great pain because there wasn't much they could do (medicine wise for me due to us being only 32 weeks) I didn't care because I knew that my finale hours with her were coming to a quick end. I did what I could to keep her here longer with me. Around 5:30 she was born. We didn't know what to expect, meaning will she been coherent, responsive?  I didn't set my expectations too high. When that little 3 pound 6 ounce baby girl came into the world she came out with a cry or three. :) What a blessing to hear those cries! (All praise to our Lord for that). They quickly placed her in my arms (no clean up) we didn't know how long we had with her. I immediately fell in love. I said "Hi sweet baby"! She had her eyes opened briefly but enough for few minutes and know that her Daddy and I were there with her. We packed as much talking and loving on her as possible. We sang her every possible little kid song made, told her just how much she was loved and wanted. A little bit past 6 PM I had a feeling that she had passed on. She was so little and her breathing was so small to begin with but I just knew when she had left us. The most bittersweet experience had happened at that moment. I had physically lost my little girl who I carried for all of 32 weeks. A little girl that I had big plans with. A little girl that I wouldn't see grow up to become a toddler, bigger girl, teenager, woman, wife and a mommy. All of those precious experiences that I wouldn't get left my arms. As time has gone on (2 years worth) I still sometimes have those moments when I see little girls that would be around her age and I sit and day dream about EJ. Would she be running around like a mad woman just chatting away to me? Would she be a girly girl like her momma or would she be a bit of a tom boy? Sometimes I just go there with my thoughts. It's hard sometimes to watch TLC's "Say Yes To The Dress". My mind goes to "that's a joy that I wont be able to share with my Evangeline". It's so not easy missing someone so much. And not just a "somebody" but a child, your child. After a lot of time and a whole LOT of healing through the grace of God alone my mind chooses to focus on the following positives more then the negatives. Evangeline in one day met her mommy, daddy and her Heavenly Father. She spends every single moment with our Creator King. She isn't in any pain, suffering, heart ache etc. She will never know any hurt. She is protected. She gets to run the streets of gold hand in hand with Jesus. What could ever be possibly better then that??? NOTHING! So, in my mind and especially after reading "Heaven is for Real" I believe that she not only is up there with our Lord, I believe she is running, dancing, laughing, singing, playing and praising ALLLLL DAY LOONNGG! I believe she is a typical toddler that is wearing everyone out up there (especially her Great Paw-Paw Baston).

Almost everyday when Shepard wakes up we look at the picture of EJ hanging on his nursery wall and say "Good Morning, EJ Girl"! I sing a song to him that I made up a long time ago when I use to watch babies that you sing the name of the baby and you say "yay" with their name. So it would go, "Yay for the babies, yay! Yay for Shepard yay! Yay for EJ yay". Very simple but hey it kept the attention of many of a baby. Anyway, when we get to her name he just gives the biggest smile. He already loves his big sister and hes all of 9 months old. I still to this day sleep with her blanket and I may always do that. When I bring Shepard into our bed to hangout for a bit, he always goes over to her blanket and just puts his head on it and loves on it. At first I wondered how I  would respond to him touching my most sacred possession. I acted the way any Mom in my situation would melted my heart and brought me tears of joy. That blanket along with a few other things is the only "tangible" connection he will ever have to her here. He is a gentle boy. I think he gets it.

I want to end this special blog with a BIG thank you to all of our family, friends and everyone in between that has been there with us over the last couple of years. You all know who you are and you all are the best! I love the way a lot of you have loved on EJ and kept her sweet memory alive. She made a BIG impact on so many. She will always live in our hearts, thoughts and lives. She is great and precious. She is my sweet baby girl. Heaven is just that much sweeter for me and my eternity with Jesus.

Happy Birthday, Evangeline! Your brief life made a long lasting impact on not only on your Mommy & Daddy but people all over the world. I love you more than all the words in all the books in all the world!