This is the first time that I am actually speaking out to everyone other than our close family & friends. I have had a lot of people ask me over the last few months what was going on with our little baby and how things are. Most of the time I would give just a short answer and move on because it is too hard to talk about and to repeat myself over and over again. So, here goes our story from a few months ago to the present time.
Josh and I along with our moms went to our 20 week check up to find out the baby's gender. Like any other couple we were like 'boy or girl'...soooo exciting! I really never cared what the gender was. I also wanted one of each, so to me I just wanted to hear who this little person was and finally speak the name and go shopping! No one ever told me that the tech would go over ALL the body parts and organs. I guess like any other person I would just ASSUME that of course all of the organs would be there. Josh and I had a book that we read weekly about 'what was growing & how to pray for your baby'....So, we were in the room for not even 2 mins when the tech stopped and said 'I need to go and get your doctor'. I thought 'how odd is that'. The doctor came in and looked at our baby and shook her head and said 'I see no kidneys or bladder', did your water break?' I told them no. They stopped the process and referred us to the hospital that next day for another ultrasound. I went all night drinking more than 15 glasses of water and going to the bathroom on the hour due to thinking that would bring back the fluid for my baby. Not thinking correctly in knowing that with no kidneys or bladder there will never be any anionic fluid for my baby. Let's just say I got no sleep that night!!
We woke up and went to the hospital for our 2nd ultrasound. The tech was very thorough and looked for 45 mins trying hard to find little organs. After looking she went and got the head doctor and brought him back to us. He gently sat us down and told us the news that NO PARENT should EVER hear. 'After looking closely with your baby and barring a miracle your baby will not make it after birth'. BAM a punch in the face. I literally stopped breathing. The room was spinning and the 4 of us just sat there crying. Needless to say I don't remember too much for the coming weeks after that. I remember that a min felt like and hour. Time stood still. Josh took charge like most men would and made calls and emailed family and friends. Josh quickly became my rock, my voice and my protector. I didn't want to talk to anyone. So, maybe this will make sense to some of you, why I didn't talk or wasn't seen around for a while. My heart was broken. Nothing to say. I can also tell you that yes, right now I am more talkative, I have my days that I want to talk and be seen and I have those that I don't. That's completely normal. I can be honest and say with what we are facing that there will be a time again that I may be that person that doesn't want to talk. It's not going to be easy folks!! I will tell you all that EVERY text, email and facebook that came in warmed my heart and made us feel so loved and supported.In the future PLEASE keeps those coming! They are what got us through the day along with all the prayers!
From that day on my life has completely changed for many reasons. When you get hit with news such as ours, it will quickly make you think about how you live your life. I will NEVER take life for granted again. I never took this pregnancy for granted because it's a miracle and a life. But I took everyday things for granted that I now see differently. Also, my personal relationship with my Lord and Savior has changed. I have been a Christian since I was 14 yrs old. This experience has made me change every bit of how I view Him, love Him, talk to Him and want Him. He is my peace. I honestly do not know what people do in difficult times without God. I just cannot fathom it.
So, 10 weeks later and a roller coaster of a life here we are. Today we went in for my 30 week ultrasound and we were ready to meet our little kicker. I already knew going in that the baby was a girl. Just bonding with my baby I could feel it. Mommy's intuition! For the past 10 weeks there hasn't been a day where I haven't prayed/beg the Lord to heal my child. I was really trying to keep an open mind knowing that the diagnosis would probably be the same but was praying for a miracle. The same tech in the same small room that we were in months ago looked and pushed and poked at us. The diagnosis is still the same. She came to the conclusion that since there was still a lack of fluid/and movement with the legs, she didn't see a 'boy part' and was able to tell that we are having a GIRL. Sweet little Evangeline Joy Wilcox. Who Mommy and Daddy love very much and enjoy all the time that we have with her. Not taking a second for granted and loving all of her movements. So, without further ado.... introducing our Princess Evangeline...
Before you were conceived, I wanted you, Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life. - Maureen Hawkins
Please stay tune for more of my blogs to come! It a great way for me to talk to everyone and to keep all up to date and if you all know of any woman that is going through something similar that needs someone to talk to or just needs encouragement then send them my way. Lots of love!