The Adventures of being a mommy....

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Be Bold! Be Strong!

The title of this post comes from a song that the kids at the preschool I use to teach at sing. Imagine 2, 3 and 4 year olds singing "Be BOLD (punch right arm up), Be STRONG(punch left arm up) for the Lord our God is with thee". The second verse goes "I'm am not afraid for the Lord thy God is with thee". I cannot tell you how many times I have sung that with them and not overly thinking of the words as we sing them until now. I went back to work a month ago after being home for 5 months. It was really tough for me for many reasons. I had to move outside of my bubble that I created. I had to be around people again. I felt for a while I wasn't in the "real world" because of the trauma that I was going through. In my head I thought that the rest of the world was moving all around me and I was just standing still. I in my "old" life was very outgoing, never met a stranger type.  Now I'm trying to figure out how to fit into myself again and what that looks like. Does that make sense? Anyway, back to work...I was given an opportunity to still work for my old employer but in a different role that I'm doing all clerical and not in a classroom setting. It's for the best all around right now. I'm enjoying what I'm doing and I love learning new things. It's good for me to get out each day and have a job and interact with others. I'm learning new boundaries for myself, what I can take and what I can't. My desk sits just outside of the classrooms and regularly I can hear the infants crying/make noises. I remember the first day I heard a cry I knew it was a tiny one making a fuss. I could feel the tears wanting to come through but I forced them back. I literally wanted to run away and hide in a hole. But I didn't...I did the opposite...I ran in! I stood at the door looking in at 5 infants. Two of them are girls that were born within weeks of Evangeline. I peered in their cribs but I did not touch. I went to the boys. (Safer for now, I thought). There was a little girl that I refer to as Miss. Smiley. I was drawn to her because she kept looking at me and smiling with her little gums. I melted! I just had to pick her up. The teacher in the room told me that Miss. Smiley was a twin and that her brother had passed during birth. There was our first connection and I believe that at that moment I needed her and she needed me. I sat down with her and held my first infant sense Evangeline. WOW! Talk about being bold and strong...there it is!! God gave me that peace and comfort to go on in there to see their faces. Let's face it, I'm drawn to babies and will always be. I can't help it. It's in my DNA! There us so much more that I can talk about sense I haven't updated in a month.I just wanted to share this experience with you. I promise I'll let go of my feelings more because this blogging thing is very therapeutic!

~ But Jesus looked at them and said, "with men it is impossible, but not with God;for with God all things are possible. Mark 10:27~

Thanks for reading! Till next time!! God bless!


  1. I feel you on the not-being-as-outgoing-as-I-used-to-be thing. (hugs)

    And... I love how God works - about Miss Smiley and all.

    Continuing to pray for you.

  2. I think of you often. I pray for you often. I am so proud of you for moving forward. We all hit moments in our lives where we have to "figure it all out" again. You are bold and strong like no other I know. I love you!

  3. Oh how perfect babe.... I loved this blog, read it and reread it and cried harder each time. Miss Smiley, what a blessing. You are so strong and so bold. I admire you sharing your emotions with us. Love you, and miss you.

  4. Love you Katie! You are so precious ! You are strong and bold and I appreciate you being so transparent and sharing your feelings. I am blessed to know you and Josh and thank you sooo much for always taking care and loving on Philly cheese. You are truly a blessing!!!

  5. Katie, Way to pick up that baton of God's grace and run with Him into that room to bond with Miss Smiley!!! You are awesome!!!

  6. Thank you, friends for reading and for your sweet comments to me! You all are awesome! Love you guys!!

  7. Bout time you posted again woman! I get on your blog and Kristy's at least once every couple weeks to check :)

    I can hear the kids singing that song! I love watching Carson and Elijah sing, they get so into it!

    I love you and I am so proud of you for being bold and being strong! You my friend, are one of the most inspiring people I know. Even more than Celine! You know I mean bizz when I bring her into it! :P

    Love you so much K-Dub!

  8. Thanks Jess! That's pretty BIG if you are rating me by Celine! :) Love you too!

  9. Oh Katie...this touched my heart. What you were saying about the world going on around all makes perfect sense to those of us who have experienced it. But, what makes my heart leap and rejoice for you, is what you shared next....that instead of running away, you ran in. Sometimes, we have the most precious victories when we embrace the hardest things...those that carry the most emotion, bring fear, overwhelm, and intimidate us. You ran in. God is with you, holding you, carrying you, lifting you up, and strengthening you when you are weak, precious Katie. Thank you for sharing your are truly an encouragement...even in this storm.