The Adventures of being a mommy....

Friday, November 18, 2011

Sad but true...Infant loss Facts

Infant Loss

Borrowed from Pray Without Ceasing (who came across it on another blog). There is a lot of truth in this that I think it's important for people to hear.

Infant loss is nature's cruelest practical joke. It's investing all of the required time and effort into pregnancy, only to be robbed of the result. It's cradling a body that grew within your own and trying to reconcile the cold, lifeless form in your arms with your memory of the baby who turned double flips in your womb.

It's worrying that you'll forget what your child looked like and snapping an album's worth of photos that no one will ever ask to see. It's sobbing so hard you can't breathe and wondering if it's possible to cry yourself to death.

Infant loss is handing off a Moses basket to the nurse who's drawn the unfortunate duty of delivering your pride and joy to the morgue and walking out of a hospital with empty arms.

It's boxing up brand new baby clothes and buying a 24-inch casket. It's sifting through sympathy cards, willing your foolish body to stop lactating, clutching your baby's blanket to your chest in hopes of soothing the piercing ache in your heart.

It's resisting the urge to smack the clueless individuals who compare your situation to the death of their dog or who tell you you'll have another baby, as if children are somehow replaceable.

Infant loss is explaining to your 7-year-old that sometimes babies die and being stumped into silence when she asks you why. It's watching other families live out your happy ending and fighting a fresh round of grief with every milestone you miss.

It's being shut out of play groups for perpetuity. It's skipping social events with expectant and newly minted mothers because, as a walking worst-case scenario, you don't want to put a damper on the party.

It's listening to other women gripe about motherhood and realizing that you no longer relate to their petty parental complaints because, frankly, when you've buried a baby, a sleepless night with a vomiting toddler sounds something like a gift.

Infant loss is pruning from your life the friends and relatives who ignore or minimize your loss. It's recognizing that, while they may not mean to be hurtful, the fact that they don't know any better doesn't make their utter lack of empathy one whit easier to bear.

My baby girl would have been 5 years old this month. I don't know what she'd look like, what her favorite food would be. I've never had the privilege of tucking her into bed, taking her to the zoo or kissing her boo-boos. I will never watch her graduate or walk down the aisle.

Infant loss is more than an empty cradle. It's a life sentence.

(Laura Schubert of New Berlin is a mother, teacher and two-time breast cancer survivor).


  1. Katie, I cried reading this. It breaks my heart so much for you and Josh. Evangeline Joy will never be replaced, and she will always be dearly missed...until that day when you get to see her again. I'm so thankful to know the hope we have in Christ Jesus, but I know that doesn't erase the pain of the separation. Thank you for sharing your grief with us, Katie. You and Josh continue in our prayers, and we long to see you guys. We grieve with you, and understand this is a grief that cannot be erased until that day when you are united again with your precious daughter. You are a beautiful mother, Katie!

  2. Blaire! Thank you so much for your sweet words!! :)You're the best! Thank you for reading my blog and most importantly your prayers!I love all your pics of baby Nolan! He is a cutie! Miss and love you!