Just Ask!

Boy has my mind been racing this week! Lots of thoughts and feelings flying around in my little cranium. As I mentioned last week that I was missing my little one badly with it being my due date an all, well it carried into the weekend and now this week. I do a good job not always showing my emotions in front of people. I tend to put on a brave front and then when I'm at home I have my break downs. I'm not sure that it's the best way to handle things but again I'm new at this. I told Josh this past week that I've felt down in many different ways about missing Evangeline. The one that has hit me the hardest is wanting people to talk to me about her. That's right I said WANTING! I'll get back to (me) in a moment. Two days after I told Josh what I was feeling I received a letter in the mail. It was from a mommy that had lost her little baby boy two years ago. She was writing to offer her condolences but also to share how she has been these past two years. She told me of her hurts and about moving on again (with more babies) and then she said..."my family and friends don't even talk to me about him anymore". "They don't ask about how he was or ask to see pictures of him and it hurts". I thought "Whoa, is this her or me writing this". It's both of us. Us mommies that have lost little ones are in a "club" that we didn't choose to be in. We don't care to be in. But we are in it for our remaining days on this earth. Our connection outside of talking to God and asking Him to love on and tell our little ones how much they mean to us and that we love them are our photos and stories. If you didn't know me and you saw me in passing, you wouldn't know that I am a Mom. Other then my jewelry (that you would have to get up close to me to see) I have nothing else to show for it. That saddens me to no end!

I'm sorry if I'm rambling, not pointing blame, not calling anyone out and not trying to build a platform for a soap box. I'm just asking each of you that read this blog to do one thing this week. I want each of you that know someone that has lost a child to take a moment and ask them about their little one. Ask them to see their "brag book" (all of us mommies I'm sure carry something). Take time to love on that little one's memory and just be an encouragement. And I realize that maybe not all mom's feel comfortable with people asking them questions. Just fill out the situation and go from there. Pray!!  All of us mommies that are without their child are still hurting and long to have that little one in their arms to love on. I absolutely want and miss that. Oh, how I miss that!!!

Thanks for letting me vent! Lots of Love to all of you! Till next time...

Missing Her...

Today was my due date for Evangeline. I've been pretty somber most of the day. I think a lot of that has to so with the fact that I sometimes cannot believe that she isn't with me physically anymore. I just miss her so bad! A lot of close friends and of course my family all knew what today is for us. I have been receiving lots of encouragement today from them all. It's such a blessing to me to have awesome people in my life that are there for us in the thick of things. This morning after a night of fun with two great friends at the Hillsong concert (which I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to go), I woke up to a text from a friend and this is what it said....


" Katie, God has been placing you on my heart today. What are your prayer request today?"  I then respond back to her on my request and then she sent me this back "Wow, God is so incredible! He gave me a word for you. "Ask my peace my peace I give to you. I am your rock, I am your salvation. I have plans to prosper you not to harm you. Continue to place your hope in me and my will will be done in you".

God loves us so much! He loves on me each and everyday. I was open to Him all day, which I should be at all times in everyday but I fall short on that. With that openness He gave me that message with hope and love written out for me in my time of need. I'm tearing up right now with the knowledge of just how much He loves you and me. No matter how much I love Evangeline, He loves her so much more then I can fathom. I know she is right there with Him. Being loved by Him and learning so much from Him. He takes care of His children.

To Evangeline Joy Wilcox, Mommy and Daddy love you so much sweet girl! You mean the world to us and there isn't one day that goes my that we  don't miss you, mourn you and think of you a million times. I know you are in a much better place then this old world could ever have given you. You are our Angel Baby, apple of our eye and our heart. We are so proud to be your parents and cannot wait for the day that I can look into that face of yours in Heaven.

Ok, time for me to grab the tissues. Thank you for reading, loving us and encouraging us in this journey. God bless you all!

Baby Steps

Hi Friends!


As promised I am sharing about our visit with our niece Adia. We went to visit her and her Mommy and Daddy this past Sunday. Josh and I were excited to see Adia and to get acquainted with her again. Along with the excitement we were a tad bit nervous about how we would feel about playing with and holding a baby again.  The only thing I can say is that God truly had His hand in the whole day. Adia is such a good baby! I loved talking to her and watching what she's into now. During the day I thought about EJ a lot but I wasn't upset about it, like I thought I might be. The only sad feeling I had is the "what would have been" with EJ. How I wouldn't see EJ  grow up and to be able to cherish each step with her. Like I said God was there and He was in control of my feelings. He made the day! :)


I'm so glad that we took that "baby step" to see our little niece. She has grown so much sense we last saw her. She sits up on her own, jabbers, claps,laughs and cuddles. She gave me that absolute love and passion that I have always had for babies again. I'm not as scared to see a baby now. That doesn't change my hurt or longing. It just makes it easier. 


Here are some cute photos of Adia with her Uncle J and I. Enjoy! 

                                                 I love the little hand on my leg! Melts my heart!

                                                   Trying to figure out Uncle J

                                                                I love squeezes!!

Thanks for taking the time to read this entry! May God bless each and everyone of you! 

A beautiful little poem...

I found this poem on another Mother's blog...Bring your tissues!

What Makes a Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.'


But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.


I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."


So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.


So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize
You are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!

-Jennifer Wasik

Oh, how He loves me!

Hello All!

It's been a while sense my last post. Sometimes I have bright ideas on what to write or I have so much feelings to share but I've been kind of blank last couple of weeks. I wanted to share of a book that I just finished last week. It's called Heaven is for Real By: Todd Burpo. This book is based on Todd's son Colton's experience in his brief but eye opening experience in Heaven. I desperately wanted to read it for not only more of a glimpse of Heaven, which the Bible gives us bits and pieces but also to see what Evangeline sees. I'm not going to go into too many details because I really want to encourage each of you to get a copy and read it for yourselves. I do want to say I long more for eternity now then I ever have before. I can't wait to see Jesus! I can't wait to see His eyes! Colton talks a lot about His eyes in the book. For a 4 year old to long to see those eyes again, they must be something! :) It blesses me to read what Colton says about Jesus loving His children. We always have sung the song 'Jesus loves the little children' but now I can honestly say I know that I KNOW He loves His children! So awesome!

I've been receiving from God 'the peace that surpasses all understanding'. I have always heard that expression  throughout life but until now do I truly know what that means and what that feels like. It is the best feeling to have. Just knowing that He loves me that much to give me so much peace to get through my day is amazing to me. He gives what a loving father would give to his child when needed. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't miss her so much or cry a lot about her but each day gets better. God has given me the courage to continue on and share our story on our daughter. I love talking about her!

This weekend I'm going to see my niece Adia for the first time sense getting the news on Evangeline. It has been hard on me to see or be around babies, understandably so. I always said when I felt ready Adia would be my first baby to see. I'm excited and a little nervous. It's going to be so good to see her and for me to be able to move on. I think the hardest part is missing Evangeline while being with Adia. When I think of Adia I think of the 'what things would be like with the two cousins.' Rachel and I had so many plans for the two of them. That's what hurts the most the 'what would have been's'. But like I said in my last blog that Josh lovingly  tells me-'think on the what we will have again' not on the 'what we don't have'. Because we do have a little one. We were so blessed to have had her too.

Ok, I think I have rambled on enough for today. I will update and share pics of my visit with Miss Adia soon.

Till next time, friends.... :)

A Visitor

For my first Mother's Day Josh and Evangeline bought me three hanging flower baskets for our deck. I love flowers. I love their vibrant colors,smells and their detail. One day I was sitting on the couch watching some t.v. and I happen to see something moving quickly outside to the left of me. I got up and looked out the window to see a very large bird in one of my flower baskets. I watched what I thought to be a male bird take apart my flowers and then fly off over the lake to a tree. For a couple of days I watched this bird closely but not close enough to know that 'he' was a 'she'. Josh towards the end of my pregnancy would water the flowers for me and saw that in the basket was two eggs! I had a mommy bird! And on top of that she was a Morning Dove. It wasn't shortly after discovering the eggs I went into labor and had Evangeline. When we came home from the hospital  Josh had noticed that the eggs hatched and there were two sweet baby doves. I once again sat in a fog looking out the window and watched the mommy bird bring the babies food and sit with them for the night. While in my own little foggy world I became slightly jealous of this mom. YES, I just said I was jealous of a BIRD! I was longing to do the same for my little baby. I told Josh about my thoughts on this bird and as usual he changed my somewhat 'negative' thought to a more positive one. He said to me 'don't look at this type of situation as something that you don't have but for what you will have one day'. He has also said that to me about 'human babies' as well. I'm trying really hard right now to have that faith and hope in the things to come. Josh has so much faith that we will have more children to love on and bring home with us. I'M REALLY TRYING HARD TO BELIEVE!

This past week I noticed that I had only seen one of the baby birds learning how to fly. I asked Josh if he had seen the other one and he hadn't. Josh went outside to peer into the basket to see if the bird was in there. It was. That poor little thing had passed. :(  It made some sense to me because the day before I had seen the mommy and other baby sitting on the deck and she was making a mournful sound. I felt so bad that she had lost her other baby. As she sat on the deck with her little one that had made it, I got out the camera and took a picture of them. They are too cute! Take a look!

Till next time friends....

The Delivery of our angel - Evangeline Joy Wilcox

What a whirlwind these past two weeks has been for us. In the early hours of June 25th I went into labor with EJ. I've  never known what a contraction felt like but was grateful that my friend told me the day before what one felt and looked like. I went into the bathroom and saw my belly in a tight ball and I felt the pain so I put two and two together and woke up Josh. We called our doctor and went on to the hospital. I've never been a patient in a hospital before- so needless to saythis was my first pretty hospital gown, IV and random painful checks by the nurses (you ladies know what I mean). As we were sitting there in our room we were thinking about who all was going to be out of town that weekend, Josh's parents, our Pastor, our photographer and our favorite doctor, we felt so overwhelmed. Little did we know that God was going to provide for all of those circumstances.  As people were starting to show up at the hospital, in walked our Pastor Terry, who was supposed to be on vacation.  This was following a phone call from our photographer, who was in a photoshoot, saying she was on her way. Josh's parents came, cancelling their out-of-town trip. And to top it all off, one of our favorite nurses, Jen, got ahold of our favorite OBGYN (who was also supposed to be going on vacation), and asked her to come.  GOD PROVIDES!!  As the day went on, I was not progressing.  I was dilated at 2 cm and we decided to stay overnight at the hospital.  Good thing, because the following morning, I was dilated at 5 cm and in alot of pain. 
    June 26th:
    We called all the family back in to the hospital and confirmed that today was the day.  As the day went on and kept progressing, at 05:38pm, after 37 hours of labor, we got to meet our sweet little baby, Evangeline Joy Wilcox.  She came out weighing 3 lbs 6.4 ounces and was 16 inches long.  We were very blessed to be able to hear her cry a few times, have her open her eyes a few times, and she stuck her toungue out a few times (a trait she picked up from her mommy).  She had very light hair and her eyes were greyish/blue and she was just perfect.  It was unbelievable to be able to hold this little baby that had been in my belly for 32 weeks.  I cuddled with her for her 45 minutes on earth and, while doing so, her daddy and I sang "Jesus Loves Me" and "Happy Birthday" and whispered sweet words into her ears.  As Josh would say, it was the most amount of Joy and the most amount of sorrow in one hour that we will probably ever experience.  After about 45 minutes, we realized that our little one had gone home to be with Jesus.  We called everybody back into the room and had a baby dedication.  When talking, our pastor said, "in one day, little Evangeline got to meet her mom, her dad, and her creator".  The hospital staff was great to us.  We were able to keep Evangeline as long as we liked.  Josh and I took turns through the night holding her.  I can remember falling asleep but waking myself up to the fact that my head was laying gently on top of hers.  There are no words I could type that would represent the love and passion I have for my child.  While I knew where Evangeline really was, I still felt connected to her through this little person in my arms.  It was one of the hardest moments of this process, but I was finally able to hand Evangeline over that Monday night. While we prepared for the funeral, so many thoughts and emotions ran through me.  What is she doing today?  Why is she not still with me?  How will I move on from this?  Will I ever get over this?  I never realized  how much you can miss someone and I long for  her daily.  I know she's in a much better place than this world, but I still ache for her. 
    June 30th.
A beautiful day.  I thought that Evangeline had given it to me.  We, as a family, got together with a few of our pastors and celebrated Evangeline Joy's life.  It was a beautiful service as we laid her to rest with my pawpaw Baston.  God provided a good amount of strength to Josh and I and enabling us to speak at her service.  Our family sang a song based on Psalm 23 along with poetry and finished with singing "It is Well". 
   After June 30th.
People call us "stong" and "faithful".  We get compliments on how we're handling losing our Evangeline.  I love the compliments but there are plenty of times that we feel so lost and confused.  There's nothing that prepares you for losing a child.  No amount of books or conversations can prepare you for feeling this.  The one thing that's provided us peace is knowing that our baby girl is with our loving Father, Jesus Christ.  There's also peace in knowing that I will see her again one day.  I am not bitter.  I am not mad at God.  Just heartbroken.  Healing comes over time.  Peace from God comes over time, as long as we turn to Him for that peace.  The following scripture was read at the service:

Romans 5:1-5

New International Version (NIV)

Romans 5

Peace and Hope

 ¹ Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

The following are some photos of our precious Evangeline.  She is a beauty;) .  At the bottom of the photos is a video collage put together by our good friend Loree Wheeler.